Saturday, October 8, 2011

To those who are Mad enough

Hmmmmmmm I came back home for a short visit. Actually I don't know whether it could be counted as a visit in the first place since I just arrived here this morning  to go back tomorrow morning and most of the time in between will be obviously spent in front of the computer.Anyway as I was coming back in the morning train, with all the people dozing off around me this question popped pout all of a sudden. Who really am I?
                              I was dumbstruck guess for  minute or two because I really did not know the answer.Am I what a feel myself to be? Or am I what others see me as? Or is it a combination of the two,and if so which side of the scales come down and which goes up?
                             According to me, I love people,and I love fun. For me the ideal life is a simple and humble event without much complications(.(yet unfortunately as my boyfriend almost always correctly points out complications and myself are like opposite poles of a magnet to each other, thus always leaving me entangled in a heap of complications).I hate hurting others and I do not have the guts to hurt someone even when the other person really really deserves such treatment. I am the person who would sacrifice everything just because I don't have the courage to say those two magical letters NO and hurt someone else. As a result of this most of the time I find my self immersed in a pool of my own tears.yet, I would always prefer that to seeing others cry.Sometimes i really hate being such a sensitive nutcase, but I guess that is how I was created.
                       But the sad thing is that that "I 'am never seen by many who know me. Well, the question arises whether they really know me if they don't see that me.To most who know me, Iam this Tomboy who has a big foul mouth and an extremely scary personality that could snap them in to two if they are nearby. In fact  one of my friends did tell me that I was like "Hitler"(No offence to him). Usually it does not worry me what others think of me as long as those who were closest to me got to know me. But the thing is what if someone out there is supposed to be one of my closest friends in the future? What if she or he also sees only the protective shell around me and wanders off discouraged by it? That is indeed a scary thought as I hate losing friends. But then I cannot go around people announcing them that the first impression could be misleading and the weird funny girl inside is  far more fun to be with(I Hope?)?
I really don't know.So this is all I can do.May be you don't fancy the decorative layers of icing and flowers.Yet the only way you can discover the real flavour cake is by going through that layer. I cannot guarantee that the cake would be better that the Icing(May be it it worse). But we both won't know without trying right?
So here is a toast to all the wonderful and extremely few people who made it through the outer shell to discover the real me.( You can close your mouths now, I guess) and the others out there who might be mad enough to try and follow them

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