What I would not give up for some moments of blissful sleep

Right now  going through dog crisis.There is this cute dog who resides in my hall of residence.I'm suspecting it to be a she but the thing is it always gives me the impression that its a he. Anyway it has been quite a legend at Hilda Obesekara Hall, year before my arrival here. Some say that it has been here even before the days when it became a Girls' Hostel and boys ruled the place( if you can call it ruling that is). Some say that it belonged to the previous warden of this Hall.Anyway when you leave apart all the folklore and come to the actual creature, you get a shaggy dog with a yellow golden hue. I am not an expert on the pedigree of dogs but can come out with the fact that it must be some kind of a cross  as it inherits features of both the typical Sri Lankan stray dog as  well as a dog with a good upbringing.An accident  sometime back before my arrival has left him disabled forever as a result of which one of his hind legs is always straight. It doesn't let the disability come in its day to day life at all and comes running behind me in his characteristic gallop fro  the gate of the hall up to my room in the sixth wing.I gather that it is a local favourite among the students and has various names at various wings of the hall ,including "Tutu" and"Charlie".It is one manipulative dog, that I can say for sure,because it will stay for hours in front of my door wagging its tail, with  a melancholic gaze until I surrender and give him some biscuits. That I can deal with, but for the last few days the dear fellow has started composing songs at night  which has been impossible not to mind at all.I have no idea what is wrong with the fellow, but there he is in my corridor emitting blood curdling howls from time to time all through out the night.sleeping has become an impossible task and what worries me most is that the other girls might be planning to kill both of us in order to get some peaceful sleep. I have no clue as such how to stop this manic episodes. I have already tried not feeding him for a whole day, threatening him, (no use as he is immune to threats) and as a last resort even gave him a tablet of piriton with milk last night. Well, I might have used the piriton my self I guess, because  there he was howling his heart out as usual.I really don't have any options left.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAagh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beyond Words?

The three words, "I love you" have been uttered by me with real ease over the time.Not that I am in the habit if declaring my love for each and every person whom I set my eyes upon(Although I know some of my so called friends do accuse me for such stunts as well).My boy friend has been literally showered by the blessed words for the past few years that I am afraid it might feel to him like an ordinary " Good morning" or a " See ya later".Then again since I am this creature with the habit of complicating all my friendships  I end up loving most of my friends too and so they receive a generous portion of the words as well.But the curious  thing is I can never utter those words easily when it comes to declaring my love for my parents. One of my friends(quite jokingly I hope) suggested that it may be due to me not loving them enough. But I know for sure I do. I do love them a lot,but have never uttered those words in any language except for a few times to my mom, which we both allowed to float away into thin air,pretending it was one of my thousand and one jokes.

I am never going to say that mine were the perfect parents.They never were  and I hope never will be.Well, if they were the perfect idol of parenthood on whom was I to lay the blame on the crazy person I turned out to be. Or may be it is really the other way around, having me as the first child to handle, a complete nightmare which made them give up their dream of being the prefect parents one could dream of.Anyway, life sure was not easy for any of us I am sure,a fact that would be justified by many of my childhood memories of endless clashes and fights.But, looking back, may be those bumps on the road were meant to be there after all to make us really treasure the smooth paved paths intermingled between those awful bumps.Yes, if not for my dear Amma and Daddo who became so upset when I became the Second of the class and who wondered what really happened to the other 27 marks when I came out of the year five scholarship with 173,I would definitely not have gone through the Medical School and would have instead settled down as a teacher or a writer as I always dreamed. Yet,I would not even in my dreams wish for anyone other than  these two because I can occasionally glimpse the immense love that is hidden behind all that bumps in the road.My mom gave birth to me a 4.5kg baby  in a normal delivery when the average baby who comes out the same way is only around 2.5kg. She could not put me down even then and had to carry me around with her while doing her first long distance appointment as a teacher. Since then she has always been pushing me forward to places where I know I wouldn't even dream of setting my foot.And she thinks she knows the best(And god help those who try to prove her otherwise)And if she has failed in bringing me up she has it compensated by bringing up generations of .kids at two schools and a .On the other hand Daddo has always been my protective guard(may be a bit too much though at times),frowning at all the poor guys in the vicinity even if they were completely unaware of my mere presence there.it was he who took me to English days in Colombo,who trained my tongue to the flavor of many Indian dishes and the greatest admirer of my clumsy attempts at playing the piano.
May be I would never tell those two that I love them in words. May be don't have the courage to do so due to the fear of the response or may be I just can't express what I feel in those three simple words.But I am sure they know in between the bumps on the road they mean the world to one crazy soul.

To those who are Mad enough

Hmmmmmmm I came back home for a short visit. Actually I don't know whether it could be counted as a visit in the first place since I just arrived here this morning  to go back tomorrow morning and most of the time in between will be obviously spent in front of the computer.Anyway as I was coming back in the morning train, with all the people dozing off around me this question popped pout all of a sudden. Who really am I?
                              I was dumbstruck guess for  minute or two because I really did not know the answer.Am I what a feel myself to be? Or am I what others see me as? Or is it a combination of the two,and if so which side of the scales come down and which goes up?
                             According to me, I love people,and I love fun. For me the ideal life is a simple and humble event without much complications(.(yet unfortunately as my boyfriend almost always correctly points out complications and myself are like opposite poles of a magnet to each other, thus always leaving me entangled in a heap of complications).I hate hurting others and I do not have the guts to hurt someone even when the other person really really deserves such treatment. I am the person who would sacrifice everything just because I don't have the courage to say those two magical letters NO and hurt someone else. As a result of this most of the time I find my self immersed in a pool of my own tears.yet, I would always prefer that to seeing others cry.Sometimes i really hate being such a sensitive nutcase, but I guess that is how I was created.
                       But the sad thing is that that "I 'am never seen by many who know me. Well, the question arises whether they really know me if they don't see that me.To most who know me, Iam this Tomboy who has a big foul mouth and an extremely scary personality that could snap them in to two if they are nearby. In fact  one of my friends did tell me that I was like "Hitler"(No offence to him). Usually it does not worry me what others think of me as long as those who were closest to me got to know me. But the thing is what if someone out there is supposed to be one of my closest friends in the future? What if she or he also sees only the protective shell around me and wanders off discouraged by it? That is indeed a scary thought as I hate losing friends. But then I cannot go around people announcing them that the first impression could be misleading and the weird funny girl inside is  far more fun to be with(I Hope?)?
I really don't know.So this is all I can do.May be you don't fancy the decorative layers of icing and flowers.Yet the only way you can discover the real flavour cake is by going through that layer. I cannot guarantee that the cake would be better that the Icing(May be it it worse). But we both won't know without trying right?
So here is a toast to all the wonderful and extremely few people who made it through the outer shell to discover the real me.( You can close your mouths now, I guess) and the others out there who might be mad enough to try and follow them

Dew drops

There is this Sinhalese saying that a good friend is like your shadow and never deserts you in both happiness or sadness.So does your tears.These tiny dew drops are always there inside your eyes and just like a good  friend it does not hinder you path when life is flowing smoothly. Yet when the moment arises when your  heart  grows weary with emotions that you cannot handle alone just by yourself these little angels announce their existence.They just silently absorb the excess of emotions from your soul and soothes your heart so that you are weary  no more.And when the brims overflow and the tiny streams run down along your cheeks, they will carry away a part of your troubles lending you some time to  rest and sort things out for yourself.Some say that  ones tears hold more power on another human than the mightiest swords. I guess it is true.Because if you are seeing tears welling up in those eyes in front of you, it means that the soul behind those eyes is desperately needing someone to share their feelings right then may it be happiness or sadness.And it feels wonderful to have a loved one beside you when your tears are falling as you know even when the tears stop,you will be taken care of till things become sunny again.

Flying up High, moments before I crash

Well folks, flying way up high can be extremely fun.If you don't ascend way above the ground level, you will never experience this rare moments of immense pleasure, which is really unbelievable and out of this world. The higher you ascend the more beauty your eyes will grasp and more joy your body would feel. Things that don't make any sense while you are on the ground seem to make perfect sense when you are up there and your angle of observation is different from others. All you worries can be left on the ground even for a few moments and you can roam freely and here too higher you go, I guess the more you are free as not many will be courageous enough to take the risk you are taking. Yet, If you are bold enough , then I'm sure there will be no limitations to the freedom and pleasure that is out there  waiting just for you.
 But the sad point is the higher you go, the more you are prone to hurt yourself in an sudden unexpected crash landing. Of course the moment you lift your feet away   from the safety of the ground it should be obvious that you should be prepared for a crash landing anytime. Yet, it tends to come at totally unexpected moments when you are aware of nothing but the blissful happiness that is surrounding you. In seconds you will be tumbling down from heaven to earth where you will lay crumpled,  until the hurt and pain creeps in to overcome your thoughts of whether you were dreaming a few moments ago. So if you are afraid of that pain it would be better if you fly close to the ground where falling want make much of a difference, or better not to  fly at all and stick to the good old ground. Yet, wouldn't you be always dreaming, Longing for what might be out there for you, if only you could make up your mind to close your eyes, order you hammering heart to stop and just go of, up up and away.
Well, I really don't know. Who does anyway?

Good Morning World

Opened my eyes heavy with too little sleep and wanted to curl back and doze off until noon. But now I am really glad I got up coz outside the world is sunny and so full of life. So I'm going to leave my safe cocoon for the time being and step out, inhale the wonderful fragrance of the fresh morning sun feel the breeze  embrace my body and just thank my parents for creating me so that I am here today to enjoy this life.
When i walk back from my faculty to the hostel there is this breathtakingly beautiful place on my way.
Its an old neglected small bridge in a kind of small forest.It looks so majestic and ancient with the whole thing covered with dark green moss and creepers hanging around it.There is a stream beneath it and kind of a pond from which water just trickles over a small mound of rocks creating this miniature water fall. every time I look at it it kind of beckons me with this mysterious enchanting appearance. Kind of enticing me to get down there on to the bridge so that I will be entrapped in that magical moment. May be i will get down there one day and take some pics. But I'm sure the pics wont be able capture that mystic beauty as itself. Anyway, off to Kandy to go to Maligawa. Nice day folks.

Fireflies dream

Do you know what the fireflies dream of
Its about a magical memory
of soft sweet music
gliding through the silence
mingling with the gentle breeze
under the star-lit skies
As your face blossom with joy
while we twirl round and round
hearts beating in unison
a couple of weirdos
trapped in a fireflies' dream

Swimming AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh!

That's the bad news of the week. Just as I suspected I cant proceed beyond breathing. It is really pathetic as I am craving to swim at least two steps beyond my second breath. But no, the moment I take a breath I swallow nearly half of the pool , sink down like an exact replica of a sack of potatoes and come up choking.Chau keeps on stressing that I should PRACTICE MORE. Well if I tried this hard in my finals I would have come somewhere near the top ten. It clearly depicts the difference between what you do coz you want to do it and what you do coz you have to do it. Anyway there I was spluttering, water in my mouth, my nose( may be even in my brain), choking and coughing making even Kim worried .I might have even put a record by being the first to die in that pathetic manner if we continued practise for further half an hour. I really dont know where to go from here. part of me wants to quit as no matter how much I try things will be the same. I wish Chau could come with me to teach, but he is so busy and has a wide array of excuses.But I really dont want to give up the dream of a lifetime.Why does the one who can really swim hate it while Me who would die to swim across the shallow end never get a chance?NOT FAIR

Fingers crossed!

HMMMMMMMMMMMMM coudn't write for some time as I  was buried up to my neck in the mundane activities of my life. But I guess that is not a really good excuse, because I have heard that once writing becomes your passion you can go on without meals yet cannot refrain from the jotting down of words into a wonderful creation.Any way, part of the blame has to go to my recurrent mood swings. There are times when I feel so lucky that I am a sensitive person. I believe that being a sensitive person I live through the stories I watch and read letting that joy and warmth seep in to my soul, letting my tears to fall freely when someone dies or lovers have to depart. It is only sensitive people like us who can really enjoy these stories. Yet when it comes to real life there are times when I hate the fact that I am sensitive  since it makes me extremely vulnerable to breaking down.                    Last week i made a vow that I am never again going to let anyone near my heart. I get attached to people too much i guess and in the end Iam alone with my heart shattered to pieces. Every time that happens I vow that it would be the last time, but it has never been so up to now.                        So, I really hope, this time I will not end up with a broken heart. I feel it in my bones and it is really weird.I have chosen the most unlikely person to be my friend but amazingly he is proving to  be exactly what I expect. How glorious it is to feel happy. I had almost forgotten the feeling  when hope came in , in the most unexpected attire. Fingers crossed, I stay, please please, let this  friend stay.

Week of kicking!

Well my swimming lessons are progressing really smoothly except the three times  when I cramped my leg. But hey, I am making extremely good progress, thanks to Master Kim. I am done with sliding and now I have started kicking. I really like the logical way Kim teaches us. Yet for most of my group I suspect that a language barrier has occurred as Kim does not understand Sinhala and our people find it hard to grasp Kim's accent. really glad that I can understand what he says. Hopefully will pay a visit to the deep end of the pool soon

Swimming here I come

Well, I guess it is pathetic that after being born and living in a coastal area for more than 13 years I  am still unable to swim. But that is the bitter truth. I did start to learn swimming back when I was in Matara, but the training stopped right when I was learning how to take a breath while swimming as my pool was destroyed by Tsunami. I guess I was  lucky that December 26th was not one of my training days. Anyhow even my University has a big pool I am still stuck where I left.I can only swim the distance one breath can take me. The moment I come up for the second breath I sink like a sack of potatoes. I have had so many unofficial trainers including my friends and my boyfriend. Yet too much instructions always leaves me nowhere but in confusion.But not being able to swim does not discourage me jumping in to the pool. The water is so inviting and enticing to me that I can not resists its lures although for almost six years now I am restricted to hanging in the shallow end of the pool, dreaming of a day when I can join the deep end.
       So I heard that a Korean Master has started  a swimming course at our university and plunged in hoping at least I would get it right this time. Kim is thirty ( which he doesn't look like, but I am not good at guessing ages anytime), someone said he is from South Korea  and I really don't know why he is doing this. yet the class was really fun. We learned that in order to swim with speed we must reduce the resistance of water on our body. In order to  do that we learned floating in various positions. It was super fun. We also did a bit of sliding through water.I am a bit worried that I won't be able to go beyond the breathing part, But I am going to practice hard.although the water was freezing and it was raining as well I really enjoyed that session.But It left me dead tired that I slept like a log and even got late for work this morning.

My Journey in Learning

So just like I mentioned I am going to learn all I can about the Dalada maligawa. This is the official  site of the Maligawa http://www.sridaladamaligawa.com/